With a Jolt, My Mind Awakens…Chapter Seventy-Nine: The Illusion Just Drank the Spiked 7-Up and Vomited Plastic Dashboard Ozzy on my Living Room Carpet.

I’ve been under the blankets of stoner synth rhythms since a car wreck ’bout 3 weeks ago, but unfortunately for y’all, Kentucky Jay lived through the scritchitySLAM!and took sabbatical for more mixed movie engagement. Pinocchio’s Revenge, the four horsegenies of the Wishmaster franchise, a Lee Majors/piranha showdown entitled Killer Fish, and a documentary about two lunkheads obsessed with pop star Tiffany entitled I Think We’re Alone Now set me regular. Fiber One bars washed with Eight O’Clock helped, too.

I’m certain the gal in the middle was the receptionist for my orthodontist, Dr. Ninivaggi…

7th Seeded UConn wins the tournament while seven-lettered (Ultimate) Warrior drops dead? This news staggers a Ugandan giant!

Good-bye, David Letterman, you sonuvabitch. Leaving TV and retiring and Colbert as your replacement – I’ll betcha Adult Swim ratings will continue to sky-high butterfly!

Oh, my Off the Air episodes are finished downloading? Well, then, no problem at all. FEEL THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR!