With a Jolt, My Mind Awakens…Chapter Five: Godzilla Coffee and Doomsday Sandwich

Sports fans, “Sudden Death” is not just a Jean Claude Van Damme Masterpiece…

Two days ago, WPIX Channel 11 was replaced by a “free preview” of the Style Channel. Tribune Broadcasting and Cablevision (My God, Cablevision has gone from face-to-heel-to-face-to-heel so dang often, the cyclone of transformations would send Lex Luger right into sainthood!) have entered the Octagon over, WHODATHUNKIT, dollars and cents. To the readers outside of the Tri-State area, this disappearance holds little, if any, significance, but WPIX Channel 11 has the same regional iconic status as Philly 57 and WGN in Chicago…

Yeah, these stations took the checks from Warner Bros. to become syndicated hoodlum gangs for the WB Network/CW Network, but its previous incarnation was everything you could greedily desire in the Pop Culture Universe. I fondly remember eagerly awaiting “Shock-tober”, the month-long marathon of horror movies aired by Channel 11, limited to those movies that barely blipped on the cinematic radar, movies that reached “cult” status without collecting worthwhile revenue, and movies that probably should not have been made or were produced via a weekend-long binge of Pabst Blue Ribbon and Twinkies: NIGHT OF THE CREEPS! HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH! THE BLOB! KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE! DEADLY FRIEND! RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, PART TWO! PROM NIGHT! FRIDAY THE 13TH PART III! PHANTASM! My favorite:

WPIX Channel 11 was my place for Scooby-Doo and Superfriends re-runs! 6 A.M. with the Little Rascals! The half-hour allotment for the 20-minute Little Rascals/Our Gang shorts was filled by Courageous Cat & Minute Mouse cartoons! The Great Space Coaster! Voltron! Godzilla movies every Saturday at noon! Tales from the Darkside every Saturday night! Hazy incomplete inksplatters of memory of the Sid & Marty Krofft shows, like H.R. Punfstuf, Sigmund & the Sea Monsters, and Far-Out Space Nuts (Bob Denver accidentally launched into space with one jumpsuit and 1000 alien encounters ahead of him??!?! THE MATH DEMANDS UNBRIDLED SUCCESS!) THE GORGEOUS LADIES OF WRESTLING!!!!! HEY! I was That Kid in the Neighborhood who was raised without Cable Television Entertainment – my sole exposure to any professional wrestling other than the WWF was Joe Pedicino & Gordon Solie every Saturday morning on “Pro Wrestling USA”!

You perceive my diminished spirits. Bad Karma Train’s Comin’ for Ya, Cablevision. Set ‘er straight with Tribune before November – If you tell 23 million residents of the Tri-State Area that there will be NO “March of the Wooden Soldiers” on Thanksgiving Day, FOLLOWED by the “The Odd Couple” marathon…. oh, the carnage will re-write the textbooks.

Ah, the vein in my brain is going BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP KAPOW — I shall close this entry into the Pseudo-Scientific Scrutiny of the Domain of Pop Culture by reminding the Reasonable Public of a More Relaxing (translation: Exuberantly Homicidal) Reality: We may be ready to discard Robin Williams. We are not willing to forgive “RV”, “Father’s Day”, “Man of the Year”, and “Old Dogs”. We can hoist his hairy petard via crane over the jaws of the Sharktopus. I present my recommendation; catch episode 200 of “Law and Order: SVU”, entitled “Authority”, watch the two movies below featured, and re-consider.