Trailer Park – INFINITY WAR

ARGLEBARGLEAAAAHHHHHHH

Things to note:

  1. Hulk busts into the Sanctum Sanctorum (0:12)
  2. Human Vision (0:17)
  3. Super Hulkbuster armor (0:26)
  4. Black Widow has blonde hair (?) (0:27)
  5. Thanos speaks! (0:45)
  6. Weird sky thing (?) in NYC (0:57)
  7. Loki with the Cosmic Cube (1:07)
  8. Thanos arrives on Earth (1:09)
  9. New Spider-Man costume (1:17)
  10. Thor’s in some machine, doing a thing (1:20)
  11. A dark elf (Malekith, maybe?) (1:21)
  12. Bearded Captain America (1:26)
  13. Super Hulkbuster armor in effect (1:29)
  14. Black (Blonde?) Widow stabs someone with a spear (1:30)
  15. Dr. Strange’s magic fails him (1:33)
  16. Hippy Captain America throws a right cross in the desert (1:36)
  17. Thanos chokeslams Spider-Man (1:37)
  18. Loki stabs the Vision in the face gem (1:47)
  19. Thanos drops a gem on ’em…right into his FUCKING GAUNTLET (1:44)
  20. They call him “ol’ Thanos 2Gems” (1:49)
  21. Thanos kills (?) Iron Man (1:51)
  22. Winter Soldier standing shoulder to shoulder with what looks to be Wakandans (1:53)
  23. Winter Solider, War Machine, Captain America (all in black…like the Omen), The Hulk, someone from the Black Panther movie AND The Black Panther go out for a jog (1:59)
  24. Thor lost an eye (2:15)
  25. Who the hell are you guys? (2:19)

Did I miss anything?

This looks great but some questions:

  • How are they going to cover Thanos gathering ALL of the Infinity gems (they are gems, not stones you bastards), setting himself up as God and then losing, all in the span of 2, maybe 2.5 hours?
  • I wonder if they are going to actually kill off Iron Man, the Hulk, Blonde Widow, etc to make way for the next gen (ie cheaper) of Marvel superheroes?
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CinemaSins Shows You Why the Blockbuster Movies You Love Suck

The CinemaSins YouTube channel came to my attention three weeks ago when they posted a hilarious take down of The Amazing Spiderman. The general idea is a witty, rapid-fire narration pointing out all the inconsistencies, lazy plot devices and general crappiness of a given movie. At the end each flick is invariably sentenced to eternal filmic damnation for its crimes. Fun, right?

The video above is their most recent effort, titled “Everything Wrong With Prometheus In 4 Minutes Or Less”. I’m surprised it only takes four minutes because that movie was an atrocious piece of shit, at once offensive to Alien enthusiasts and incomprehensible to neophytes. Truth be told, the Prometheus vid is the weakest offering the group has put out so far (Seriously, no one realized the two finger salute is the UK equivalent of the middle finger?) but it has its moments. If you enjoy this one, I definitely recommend checking out the videos for Spider Man, The Dark Knight Rises and (my personal fave) The Avengers. Who knew 2012’s best genre movies were so full of holes?

(Answer: everyone who watched them.)

Marvel Shamelessly Rips Off Battle Royale (Marvel: “No We Didn’t.”)

What

Similarities?

Don’t worry people it’s totally not Battle Royale; it’s Avengers Arena duh. Tiny bow-tied jackass Arcade (I hated your level in every video game you’ve ever appeared in) somehow scoops up a bunch of teenage mutants, dumps them on Arcade Island (which is a thing now) and makes them hunt each other down. Which is not at all how things go down in Battle Royale. But, Marvel assures us, these deaths will be real and will matter. So…who can you name in the poster above? Would their real, permanent deaths affect your comic buying or reading experience in anyway?

Thought so.

Link via The Beat.

Start Saving Now: Marvel Films 6 Disc Blu-Ray Set

IT COMES IN A S.H.I.E.L.D. BRIEFCASE. There’s some sort of Tesseract light up Rubick’s Cube inside! Movie memorabilia that you’ll never look at again!  This is a steal at $200, meaning the only way I’m getting this is if I steal it. (ed note: Modern Borefare does not endorse or condone stealing limited edition S.H.I.E.L.D briefcases stuffed with crap.) Though right now it’s 40% off if you pre-order through Amazon. What are you waiting for??