“Uhh, sure son…Santa. Please don’t throw me into the sun.”

Playing with fire there old man.

oh clark

Did you know that The Ultimate Warrior beat up Santa? Or that Lobo tried to gut him? It’s true – check it out after the jump! Continue reading

With a Jolt, My Mind Awakens…Chapter Fifty-Four: Uh, Waiter? There’s a Kryptonian in my Soup…

…meanwhile, Red Tornado and Robotman are crying tick-tock tears because the restaurant firmly clings to the “No Androids Allowed” policy.

Smile, Superman, you’re on “Candid Camera”!

A snapshot of Kal-El, Row 2, Seat 8, at the Legendary Musical Debacle of 1992 that was the Guns N’Roses/Metallica Stadium Tour

In the 1950s, it seemed like pieces of colored Kryptonite could be found as prizes in breakfast cereal. I heard Superman was once exposed to Kryptonite that looked like a Nathan’s hot dog, and he turned into Stan Lee…

(picture taken in August 1987, post-“Superman IV”)
No, Supe…I figure we’ll just write and trash scripts on-and-off for about another 16, 17 years, see if Nic Cage wants to get involved, talk to that ‘Clerks’ guy, that guy who did the vampire movie in the bar, then chuck all that mess and cast an unknown actor to play you, but hey, it’s not gonna be bad, because I think we can get the guy who played Skeletor to be Perry White? Yeah, that’s a solid plan…

Superman tries to do the Right Thing…sadly, the cross boomerangs back to terra firma and impales The Thing…


Finally, our eye-in-the-sky spots the movers-and-shakers of Hollywood discussing the future of the Man of Steel…

With a Jolt, My Mind Awakens…Chapter Twelve: Summary of Existence (Words by Mocha Mott’s Coffee, Pictures by Warner Bros.)

He woke on Monday morning, ready to conquer the world, or, at a minimum, harness nature for his steady progress:

He knew his war with Intemperate Technology – amok, fire-breathing, megalomaniacal, and insidiously steadfast little gremlins – would be measured battle by battle, but he’d claim the ultimate victory when he rose from the debris:

He understands, with regret, that the enemy will utilize surreptitious and underhanded methods that may drive him to madness:

He also knows … that ain’t no thang

He’ll struggle, but he won’t relent. He’s seen all manner of supervillainous behavior; he’s not going to resort to Neverending Drink:

Heck, isn’t this all a dream, anyway? Yes, this must all be a dream – one in which your action figures are ready to jump off the shelves and assume action when they hear the call for justice:

Therefore, the only advice I have for you is – Enjoy the Dolphin Ride…

…and accept no substitutes.

Superman Fashion Show

I think the only superhero who changes costumes more frequently than the Man of Steel is the Man of Spiders (ed. note: No one calls him that dude. No one.), Peter Parker. I’d like to see a comparison chart, actually. If only I knew some ARTISTS who were good at drawing COMICS on the WEB. Hmmm.

As for the choices below, I’m firmly in the camp that believes if you ain’t the Red Son then you ain’t shit, son. (Although All Star Superman gets a a big ol’ high five as well)

(Link via TDW)