Trailer Park: X-Men – Aporkalypse

Jubilee! Psylocke! Archangel! A size changing Apocalypse! I didn’t like First Class, Days of Future Past was pretty solid but man…this looks sweet. I can’t wait to watch this in 5 years when it hits Netflix and my kids are somehow taking a nap at the same time.

This Week’s Comic’s Haul also; What’s up WIth Marvel’s Man Thong Fascination?

Amazing Spider-Man #687 – Excellent cover art, so-so resolution to the story with the death of a “Who?  Oh. Who cares?” character.  Also, there was a blatant rip off of one of the most emotional and epic spider moments from the past, ever.  Look in the comments for details as again, no spoilers but this had nowhere near the poignancy that the orignal moment did. (Hint: It involves the Juggernaut.  The original, not this Colossus bastardization).

American Vampire: Lord of Nightmares #01- So I picked this up, I just haven’t read it yet.  Have you been reading American Vampire? You should be.

Avengers #27 – I was never clear on who the Protector was in the first place, so him apparently getting the boot form The Avengers is no big deal.  The whole book moves so quickly from betrayal to betrayal to a non-resolution; the two best things about this book were: A) The cover and B)When it was over. They also completely gloss over HOW  this particular squad of Avengers managed to avoid burning up in the sun.  You have all of the members on the ship, preparing to fry, Thor is outside the ship, grimmacing and clearly prepping for the worst and then VOILA!  they’re on the Kree home world stomping the Protector flat.  Done with this book.

Batman #10 – WEAK SAUCE. How many times are they going to retcon the Batman mythos?

Batman & Robin #10 – Damien is a giant asshole and a wonderful character to read.  His casual dismissal of hardened criminals and more experienced Robin’s is balanced by his running off to get his dog for a portrait and as he dashes out of panel you can see his shoe laces are untied.  Balancing the psychotic assassin side with the 10 year old boy side is a clever little touch.  Details  like that let me know both the artist and the writer are actually putting some thought into their books.

Before Watchmen: Silk Spectre #01 – It’s not a bad read at all, though it has a heavy  Archie  vibe.  Still, I don’t get why these (and more coming) exist.  Well, okay, I get why they exi$$$t, but was Watchmen really begging for prequels?  No.  But what the hell, I’ll read them.  BONUS: Check after the jump for the oh-so-clever (ed.note: It’s not clever) facial joke.

Fantastic Four #607 – Another clever moment involving kids, this time a little punk bad mouths The Black Panther within T’Challa’s earshot and while walking backwards, backs into the king.  Like all loudmouths, he quickly goes mum and mutters something about wanting to ride Elephants with Franklin.  I found it to be a nice joke panel.  Otherwise, something about Egyptian gods and a well I don’t even know.

Incredible Hulk #09 – This series is so uneven! Hulk’s in Atlantis (well, the Atlantean version of a hick border town, really) where some stupid nonsense happens.  Best part: Sailor to Captain: “The cannons are loaded with hammerheads.  Crabs are whipped into a frenzy. And every Atlantean on board is heavily armed and drunk to the gills.” Moments later, Captain to sailor: “KEEP FIRING! KEEP DRINKING!” Otherwise, not important.  Skip this.

Invincible #92 – Totally getting this out of habit only.  Once issue #100 hits I’m out.

Spider-Men #01 – Complete and total set up issue.  Avoid.

Ultimate Comics X-Men #13 – Done reading the Ultimate Comics line. I don’t care about what’s happening, any of the remaining characters and the plots are stupid.

Uncanny X-Force #26 – Another X-book I’m going to stop reading.  A fleet of Omega Red variations show up, can’t kill Wolverine or alterna-Nightcrawler, Deadpool sucks now that he doesn’t have his healing factor anymore, I do not care about Fantomex or Psylocke sooooo….passing on UXF from here on out.

After the jump, the Marvel’s Mysterious Man Thongs

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This Week’s Comic Haul With BONUS Reflections

This is what happens when you slack off; you have to combine two posts into one.  NOW YOU KNOW.  Let’s get to it:

Animal Man #10 – The exceptional run continues.  Buddy Baker’s wife continues to ignore good advice, his son with the exceptional mullets meets someone unexpected, flying dogs to the rescue and Buddy finding out what’s in store for him…good issue.

Avengers vs. X-Men #05 – GAH.  My brain…definite points for coming up with an ending I did not see coming.  Whether that ending is any good…I’ll discuss further in the comments to keep this as spoiler free as possible.

Before Watchmen: The Minutemen #01 – So torn on buying this book but in the end, what are you going to do? Not buy it?  It’s Watchmen, for chrissake.  Even if it is a complete and utter train wreck.  But you know? I didn’t hate this issue.  There were some interesting allusions made, some tentative groundwork laid.  HOWEVER. Was Watchmen so successful due in some part to the fact that you didn’t have the complete story?  That even after 12 issues, you had to drawn your own conclusions?    Whatever this series becomes (I’m talking about the entire Before Watchmen plan DC’s got) I’m hoping it doesn’t trample upon the original too much.  I’ll definitely be reading the original 12 after these all wrap up.

Detective Comics #10 – Seemed like a placeholder title, honestly.  I’ll give it until #12 before I decide whether to continue reading or not. The villain had a cool design at least.

Harbinger #01 – YES. SO AWESOME.  I have zero idea how old you are or how long you’ve read comics, but I first became aware of Valiant Comics through my local comic shop & Wizard back when I was still buying every shit derivative Blood/Fire/Death/Hell/Stryke book Image was putting out.  By then it was too late; the early books were way too scarce and way too expensive for someone with a 20 hour a week minimum wage job to pick up.  But the sense that these were somehow different and better  definitely permeated the first few years of Valiant, before they expanded their line, got caught up in the creative and production death spiral that was Deathmate (look it up), started pumping out double chromium covers on everything and eventually got bought by Acclaim before finally dying an ugly death.  WELL.  Now it’s back and back to basics and it F’N RULES.  Buy this.  X-O Manowar too.  So excited to see where these go from here.  Toyo Harada is a bad mutha.

Swamp Thing #10 – This also had the feel of a tweener issue. The artist also swapped out for the book, so that was a bit disconcerting.  I’m intrigued by Anton Arcade though.  Seeing as how he killed Swamp Thing and all this…

Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #11 – Like Phil Collins said, I don’t care anymore.  Sorry Miles, I’ve been with you for 11 issues and I’m getting your book out of habit more than anything else.  Time to break on out of here.

Uncanny X-Men #13 – I think Marvel wants me to stop giving them my money.  At least for X titles.  Storm narrating how her husband The Black Panther beat the shit out of her? “He eventually got his K.O.”? Is this a video game? Then Rulk snapping Psylocke’s arm via joint manipulation?  LIKE HE WOULDN’T HAVE JUST TORN IT OFF AND BEAT HER TO DEATH WITH IT.  GTFO.  Then some story about some X third stringers I don’t care about.  Then a last page appearance by Super Slut Force. (See comments as I don’t want to give any spoilers here).

XO Manowar #02 – Can I just read this every week? So awesome. In case I didn’t say it strongly enough earlier, you should really be reading these Valiant books.  Especially with Bloodshot and Archer & Armstrong on the way. 

Further Thoughts on This Week’s Comics Haul

AvX #04 – So Daredevil, Spider-Man and Spider-Woman are supposed to be a credible force to stop this Juggernaut/Colossus hybrid (that we’re now supposed to be accepting)? Doubtful. I did like Hope’s beer trap & Kid Omega’s hand in it though.  Ultimately, Avenger punch X-Man is superdumb. See: Captain America obliterating Gambit’s stupid Cajun face for no reason whatsoever. I think Steve Rogers might be a sociopath. “What? I was using a shield! It was just self-defense.”

Fantastic Four #605.1 – Pick this up not expecting much; WOW. This was an awesome issue. Shades of Red Son & Planetary; alt history done right. I don’t want to say anything further; just pick it up and enjoy.

Hardcore #01 – Sci-fi, espionage, covert military actions, Robert Kirkman.  This is one to watch.

Incredible Hulk #07.1 – Not sure what to make of the ending.  That being said, this issue did feature  one of the single creepiest sets of panels I’ve seen in comics in quite awhile.  And I read Alan Moore’s Neonomicon.   Followed a few pages later but one of the funniest.  As were the pages of the Hulk “sowing his oats”. Speaking of , if I’m not mistaken Amanda Von Doom had a three-way last issue with two gamma irradiated, Hulked out wild animals aboard her ship.  How is she…alive?  Digging what Jason Aaron is doing with this series.

Uncanny X-Men #12 – AvX tie-in.  Compared to Wolverine & The X-Men, this is the inferior title.  It’s still considered a flagship book though, so you think they would notice something simple like character placement.  Look at the top panel of the first page:

Top panel

Look where Cyclops is. Now look where Colossus,Psylocke and Domino are.  Got it? Now please explain the following panel (this was as the bottom of the same page!)

X bottom

Based on the positioning in the first panel, this second panel would seem to show Cyclops turning to face Dr. Nemesis and Namor. A quarter turn at most.  Yet somehow Domino, who he was looking at head on a panel ago is behind him, as is Psylocke who was behind him on his right side.  Only Colussus and his ridiculously sized (Leifeld sized, really) shoulder are where appropriately placed.

Bottom line: buy Image, boycott AvX.