This is How Out of The Loop I Am: Stick of Truth Sequel Announced at E3

 

So, on one hand: I can’t believe I completely missed this entire announcement. On the other hand though: an amazing looking sequel to one of my favorite games of 2014? Hell yes.

Bereft Since November 2011, Soon I Shall Be Complete: Skyrim DLC for PS3

Ever since I’ve heard the wonderful news that the PS3 is finally getting all of the Skyrim DLC, I’ve slowly but surely been able to pull back from the precipice of viewing the world in full blown Tamriel-O-Vision. Soon, I’ll be able to get my Elder Scrolls fix in a proper setting, namely on my couch and via my television. Below, what the last years been like (namely: horrible).
Image

images via 

We (Don’t) Have to Go Back!

From Fake Anything comes this somewhat cartoonish but still super detailed map of Tamriel. It’s an interesting twist on my (virtual, buggy) homeland from last winter. I’m still annoyed that those of us on the PS3 aren’t going to be seeing any DLC anytime soon but maybe that’s not a bad thing…I don’t know if I have the time to get completely absorbed back into that game. Do you know how many charts I drew up, mapping out my smithing & enchanting strategies? I had Skyrim To-Do lists, fer #@#%-sake. On second thought…Skyrim, it was super fun. But you stay over there in the played games pile. GIVE ME BACK MY LIFE.

Metal Gear Solid 4 Trophy List Revealed

SSSSNNNNAAAAAAAKKKKKKKEEEEE

I am really looking forward to playing this game again. It’s been years at this point since I’ve last picked it up so it’ll be interesting to see how it holds up.  Plus I’ve forgotten mostly everything about it, so it’ll be like a bonus new game. BONUS. GAME.

I’ve been a huge fan of the Solid series, though I have to side with MGS3 being my favorite. Which was your favorite?

Trophy list is as follows:

Bronze You enjoy all the killing, that’s why. Killed many enemies in one area, and vomited.
Bronze Divine Wind Caused a “divine wind” using the Tanegashima.
BronzeHands Up! Held an enemy soldier at gunpoint and performed a body check.
BronzeEmotion Control Controlled an enemy soldier’s emotions using an Emotive Magazine.
BronzeHurt me more! Shocked an enemy soldier using Mk. II/III.
BronzeDrum Can Addict Knocked an enemy soldier flying using a Drum Can.
BronzeThat Tune Is His Mind Control Music Played Oishii Two-han Seikatsu and made one of the BB Corps dance.
BronzeOverhead view — just like old times… Used overhead view on Shadow Moses Island.
Silver SUNLIGHT! Obtained the Solar Gun.
Silver I Just Don’t Fear Death Caused ALERT status while wearing the Corpse Camo.
Silver Where I Can See Ya Located enemy soldiers using the Scanning Plug.
Silver Ghost Photography Addict Snapped at least 5 shots of ghosts on Shadow Moses Island.
Silver FaceCamo Addict Obtained 10 or more types of FaceCamo (excluding types obtained via password).
SilverCan you feel my power now!!!? Took control of an enemy soldier’s body using the Mantis Doll or Sorrow Doll.
SilverAre you an Otaku too? Viewed all model posters.
SilverYou’re pretty good. Got kissed by Ocelot during the final battle.
Gold Flashback Mania Viewed all flashbacks.
GoldSounds of the Battlefield Obtained all iPod® tracks (excluding tracks obtained via password).
GoldI am THE expert on weapons, equipment and cutting-edge technology. Obtained all weapons (excluding weapons obtained via password).
Platinum The Legendary Hero Obtained all trophies.

Snake, are you looking forward to another trip to the battlefield? Really? How excited?A real hand full
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Wow.  You don’t say. (Link via Kotaku)

VPH Review: “Shadows of the Damned” a.k.a. I Don’t Want to Play Video Games Anymore

PLAY AT YOUR OWN RISK

Let me first start out by saying  I had zero interest in playing this game but after a year of badgering from imperviousrex and him literally showing it into my hand while shoving me out of his apartment the other week after poker I figured why not.  A list of quotes, then, from me while I was playing the game:

  • “I’ve never played a game where you get a trophy for adjusting the brightness.”
  • “Apparently being trapped in an invisible corner and tapping X to turn around just makes the camera completely schiz out…and now I just died. Thanks, terrible camera.”
  • “This isn’t the worst soundtrack ever, but that’s only because I haven’t heard every soundtrack ever.”
  • “So apparently when you try to jump over something,  instead you stop and reload. Fantastic”
  •  “I can’t believe I’m still playing this.”
  • “Seriously? Are you serious right now?”
  • “(unintelligible cursing)”
  • (get up from couch and walk around trying to keep calm)
  • “YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME”
  • “Come on man (followed by kicking the controller across the floor)!!!”

I lost/burnt the rest of my notes. To say this game was a frustrating, non-fun experience would be underselling the frustration & non-fun of the whole ordeal. I think Star Wars: The Force Unleashed was a better game and I HATED that game with a fiery passion. I would like to think that, had I not heard that this game was “super fun” ” really funny” “dark” clever” and some other adjectives I forgot I would’ve played this with at least a bit of objectivity.

No. You know, just no.  It’s terrible, terrible EXPERIENCE. Taken as a whole, (story, graphics, sound, voices, acting, writing) it’s breathtakingly bad.  Suda51 must have all sorts of dirt on EA’s executive board.

…if i take a step back, there were at least two tiny, slightly not as awful parts of the game:

  • The Big Boner (which I will leave up to those of you brave enough to play this game to figure out exactly what that is / could be)
  • The 2-D  papercraft sidescroller levels. I thought that was a clever & unexpected direction to move in.  So kudos there, you creepy weirdo.

I could never tell whether having your unkillable, undead girlfriend Paula (who the Devil may have raped to death) chase you was scary or annoying. It’s your classic Indiana Jones v. The Boulder chase scene, where Paula’s the boulder and if she catches you (and she will. Many, many, many times) instead of being mercifully squished and whisked off to archeological heaved, you’re forced to repeatedly re-enact the chase until you can finally get away.  Terrible.

As I’ve yet to come up with a clever rating scheme (ed. note: unbuttoned shirts?) we’ll just go with this in the meantime:

You get

(additional words & edits by imperviousrex)

Currently Playing: Max Payne 3

I don’t care about Max Payne.  Let me back up; before this third installation, I didn’t care about Max Payne.  Now, having just spent 12 hours firing 21 thousand bullets into over 2100 of New Jersey & Sao Paulo’s worst all I can say is that I can’t wait to do it again.

While not as open & sprawling as Grant Theft Auto IV or Red Dead Redemption, Rockstar turns out just as compelling a story with Max. There is definitely portions they could have trimmed towards the end, but Rockstar is generally criticized for the third acts of their franchise series losing the narrative thread a bit.  Honestly, that might just be the only complaint I have about the game.  Visually? Stunning.  Musically? Buying (that’s right, with money) the soundtrack. Story? Gripping. I was invested in Max’s spiral towards destruction & eventual redemption from the opening minutes, which you have to give Rockstar credit for.  Enabling someone new to an entire mythology to pick up the third part of a trilogy and becoming immediately invested in the characters is no small feat.

The biggest surprise, however, was the multiplayer.  I never been a fan of any of Rockstar’s previous multiplayer efforts in either GTA IV or RDR.  They were just too sprawling, the game modes too difficult to figure out, the ability for a new player to pick up and play almost nonexistent.  Additionally, I’ve just never cared for third person multiplayer; even Uncharted’s couldn’t hold my interest for more than a few casual games.  The multiplayer in Max Payne 3 is so good that I can barely stand not playing it now. “So what’s the big difference?” you’re (not) saying to yourself. Brass tacks? Simply, it’s fun and cool. Somehow, and I can’t put my finger on it, Rockstar has been able to freshen up what has become an increasingly stale bolt-on feature to games while making it arguable a better time than the single player campaign.

If you’re not playing this game, shame on you.  Go get it.  I’m a member of the Polygon crew; request an invite and join up!  Or just add me on the PSN; screen name is Savage6000.

Who Picked Up Max Payne 3?

If you have, what are your thoughts on it?  This is the first MP game I’ve played and I’ve just begun the third chapter but so far I can say I’m a fan.  I’m waiting for the story to open up more as it progresses.  I’m a little worried when I read the single player mode is only 10-12 hours long but apparently the multi-player makes up for it.  Problem is I haven’t been a fan of the multi-player in either Grand Theft Auto IV or Red Dead Redemption…that part’s a wait and see.  I’ve only played two hours or so; more thoughts when I get deeper into it this weekend.

P.S. Add me on PS3 – Savage6000

Early Acquisition Attempt – Max Payne 3.

I’ll admit I’m not a patient man, a bad personality trait to have when dealing with the endless hype machine that powers upcoming video game releases.  Thankfully, I live in NYC, where there are still a few independently owned game stores, the best part of which is their general willingness to break street dates. I’m not up to snuff on what the legalities of street dates are, but I know that independent stores are doing what they can to survive the crushing boot heel of Amazon, GameStop & Best Buy.

I’m fortunate to live midway between two such stores and am generally able to pick up new games the Friday before they are released (generally Tuesday is new game day, with the odd exception, like Skyrim, released to coincide with 11.11.11), Monday at the latest.  I’d support the independent stores regardless (shop local!) but the willingness to slide me games early definitely keeps me coming back.  A partial list of games I’ve gotten early:

– Rage, inFamous, inFamous 2 , Uncharted 2, Uncharted 3, Marvel vs. Capcom 3, Mass Effect 3, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, Fallout: New Vegas, UFC Undisputed…

(Craigslist is also worth checking starting the Friday before new games are released; you never know what’s going to appear.)

Which brings me to my point: I fully expected to just stroll on in to either of my locals, pick up a copy of Max Payne 3 and be bullet timing people in the face, no sweat.  So much to my chagrin, NOBODY had an early copy.  I called around to all five of my usual spots and nothing.  So is this the new trend?  Broken street dates are now a no-go? The owner of one of the shops I frequent once said “GameStop is cracking down on early releases”; what does GameStop have to do with it?  Do they really wield that much power?  Yet when Mass Effect 3’s release rolled around, I was in the store and told, “Jimmy* is on his way back from the distributor now with a limited supply for each console.” So it would seem that the distributor themselves are the ones who decide who gets what when.  Adding another layer to the mystery is that GameStop often has games the Friday before release date to make sure order fulfillment**; so if they aren’t even apart of the distribution system serving the independents what could Jimmy possibly be talking about?

I hope to look into this in greater depth in a future post.  Stay tuned for that, but for now, know that my Early Acquisition streak has smashed up against the rocky shores of an Unattainable Copy of Max Payne 3.

Max Payne (PS3) – Acquired early? NO.

*Pseudonym; also I don’t know his real name.  His real name might actually be Jimmy.

 

Broken street date, Fallout New Vegas

**This is just conjecture on my part.  Based on me acquiring an early copy of Fallout: New Vegas with a sticker on it that read “D0 Not Sell Until October 19, 2010”; I bought my copy on October 15th, 2010.  I knew it had come from a GameStop after I opened the game when I got home because the pre-order bonus gear matched with the bonus being offered at GS.