With a Jolt, My Mind Awakens…Chapter Ninety-Four: Flamethrowers, Construction Equipment, Samurai Swords and Disco vs. Snakes…Guess Who Wins…!

Stop. Stop your life and go to YouTube. Turn off “The Walking Dead”, “House of Cards”, “Big Bang Theory”, “Outlander”, “True Blood”…just shut it all down and go to YouTube. I have something you need to see:

Your expectations, whatever they may be, are going to be Blue Oyster Cult-face melted. This movie is the Mad Max of Snakebite Cinema. Plotline: A mass of snakes attack the partygoers at a new apartment building. Sounds B-Movie, right? Like Dean Cain and Kari Wuhrer should be right in the thick of the monster, right? No way, brother. This movie’s different. WAYYYYY different.

Up there’s your protagonist. He’s introduced in the film via a magic box that reveals his entire body covered in venomous slitherers, including a fanged friend that our temporary hero has concealed in this throat.

Jeezus H. Crackers.

A closer look at the guru. He’s mildly humorous, a guy I call a “Stakeout” hybrid: looks like Richard Dreyfuss, and a dub like a root beer-garglin’ Emilio Estevez. Anywho, he has a slobberknocker with a big bad boa constrictor and disappears from the movie, squinty-eyed and coarse of frame, real Clint Eastwood-like.

What splatters this flick in the goriest smears of unique is its wanton, jaw-dropping, scream-inducing brutality. You know that statement that plays in the credits of animal movies, like “The Adventures of Milo and Otis” and “Free Willy” – No animals were harmed during the making of this movie. Wellllllll, this is NOT one o’ those family-friendly crowdpleasers. This movie utilizes thousands of snakes and not a SINGLE snake stunt serpent.

Those snakes being crushed by construction equipment – real.
Those snakes being hacked to pieces by shovels and picks – real.
Those snakes being charbroiled by flamethrowers – real.

You are also treated to a loonnngggg sequence of a pack of mongooses being unleashed on the snakes. This sequence is lengthy beyond merely moving along the plot. This movie had been kept in the archives, the swamplands of the archives, for many years until a grindhouse devotee found an uncut product and nailed it to YT. It’s the stuff of parties. Invite your friends and drink yourselves to a stupor, doin’ shots whenever a snake loses a head or writhes & whirls after being severed in two pieces. We’re all doomed beyond a Happy Meal, anyway, so indulge this crap and never again squash a garter snake.

Hey, Peter…GRINDHOUSE.

Oh, f*ck off, yah baah-stid.

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