You’ll forgive me for the Paula Cole reference, no? You’ll forgive me for the Paula Cole reference, yes. If anger lingers and the vibe for violence is about to go Bixby-to-Ferrigno, hurl thyself with cheerful, futilitarian glee into the teen party/”safety first, but second after Anacin Pinatas” flick, Project X. Your distorted memories of your obstreporous middle-class adolescence will enjoy this visit with the chiropractor who will sadistically stretch, strain, elongate, and re-align your faults into geometric cleanliness. Scholastic endeavors be damned – enjoy the party – when the movie’s done, return it quickly to the Redbox, come home, explode a can of pop, and weep in the darkness for your shattered, irretrievable “glory/gory” days…Yay, Hollywood!

Geez, man…clean yourself up. Muppet Sanitation Patrol: