With a Jolt, My Mind Awakens…Chapter Thirty-Two: Parasitic Alien Worm Zombie Flicks are My Sunday Morning Flapjacks

Drenched in syrup and concussed by diet root beer, 2006’s “Slither” slid happily down my gullet, care-free and whistling “Pumped Up Kicks” en route to a battle royal with Last Night’s Lasagna and Friday’s Ketchup Sandwich. Throw a parasitic alien worm into your soup, little headbangers, and enjoy the convulsive disco of Extraterrestrial Enslavement. Hey! Celebrity Endorsement a-comin’…”Hillbilly Lex Luthor” Michael Rooker always cleans his plate…

Such a shayna punim…

To cleanse the palate, please infuriate your inner Ghostbuster by devoting 89 minutes of your life to 1985’s “Moving Violations”, starring John Murray as the Guy You Hire For Your Movie When You Can’t Afford Bill Murray and Brian Doyle-Murray Won’t Shave…Late night mid-80’s HBO escapades always resulted in a viewing of this genuinely funny and callously overlooked comedy about traffic school misfits, also highly recommended for infernal acolytes of the Cult of Nedra Volz…you know her from “Diff’rent Strokes” as the 1st post-Mrs. Garrett housekeeper for the Drummond clan (left, with “Where’s the Beef?” and Wrestlemania II Celebrity Clara Peeler):

John Murray! Here’s a visual reminder from Class Picture Day:

I just observed Nedra Volz passed away ten years ago today, January 20, 2003…this fact is unrelated to the post. I’d say this is a strange coincidence, but I endure these Episodes of Pop Culture Collision too frequently nowadays to raise an eyebrow. Case in point: I had just finished “grabbing” the entire “Monkees” TV show when Davy Jones passed into the Hands of John Lennon (another death euphemism being tested…yes? no?).

Party’s over for this post…proof?

Viral marketing for The Upper Footage raises two questions: Is it real and should anyone give a damn?

Have you heard of the so-called Upper Footage? No? If internet marketing and carefully placed YouTube videos are to be believed – and really, when are they not – it’s six hours of actual, honest-to-goodness found footage (BLECH) showing socialites and Hollywood B-listers boozing and blowing coke, culminating in the overdose death of one of their number. And a 90-minute cut is coming soon to a theater near you! Or, well, me.

It should go without saying: do not for one second believe any of this bullshit. The trailer above reeks of fake and not even very well done fake. The guy talking into the camera looks like he spent more time memorizing lines than snorting them and the camera itself is awfully steady for an amateur camcorder. To be fair, massive amounts of drugs and liquor do generally make for excellent cinematography.

And yet I support this endeavor because of, for all reasons, its marketing scheme. Viral videos are nothing new. Filming an ersatz documentary without leaving tangible evidence that it’s fictional has been tried many times since Blair Witch without much success. But the lengths to which the producers of Upper have gone to make their project appear authentic is staggering. Whoever is behind this – someone named Justin Cole is mentioned as the “filmmaker” on the movie’s website – has been dutifully seeding rumors and viral videos going back at least two years, even managing to trick one or two legitimate news outlets into commenting on the story (so long as you consider  NY Daily News legit). But when you look at the list of sites that ran Upper stories last year – The Dirty, Radar Online, Entertainment Tonight – most seem susceptible to being fooled or, more likely, complicit in shameless product placement.

And then there’s the alleged involvement of Quentin Tarantino. Obviously Q was not cutting together a low budget thriller at the same time he was filming Django Unchained. But I could totally see that wacko agreeing to lend his name to a fledgling auteur’s ambitious project, albeit with total deniability.

Though I remain convinced this is only so much hooey, and that the finished product will be unconvincing and forgettable, for the nonce I am intrigued. I won’t be contributing to the movie’s Indiegogo campaign (almost certainly a red herring to make it seem like there are no investor dollars behind it), but I may just be tempted to see it when it hits the Landmark Sunshine Cinema here in New York at the end of the month.

Have a Small Child to Terrorize? This M.O.D.O.K Marionette Should Do the Trick



NatetheKnife at deviantArt via io9.

With a Jolt, My Mind Awakens…Chapter Thirty-One: Why Do You Plunge Your Thumb Into Your Coffee, Sire?

The answer, dear children, is FERTILIZER.

I’ve reasoned to wonder why Randy Quaid is kept on the payroll. Can we catalogue a Truer Descent into Self-Imposed Exile than that of the Chieftain of Full Shitters & Kamikaze Pilots? Who is sitting behind a desk, finger dangling over the Red Button of Make-It-or-Break-It for the Entertainment-Folk? It’s time for a 7% increase in salary for the Bug Buster. His has been a career of off-beat, atilt, and wuh-wuh-wacky appearances and yes, occasionally, he has been seen sporting a blazer (“The Paper”, “Bye Bye Love”, “Caddyshack II”). I thoroughly enjoyed his twisted turn-of-tongue in the 1993 flick “Freaked”, looking pleasantly (read: manically) like Uncle Sam, post battery-acid-and-Mr.-Pib shooters aplenty. Let Us Not Cast From Grace this American Treasure because surely Chevy Chase will one day require Mr. Quaid’s timely intervention in yet another flapperty-japperty attempt to emerge as Man of the Year, 2014: