With a Jolt, My Mind Awakens…Chapter Twenty-Eight: The 2012 Zoological Report

Gone to the Mall in Short Halls, NJ (the new euphemism for death – wear it around your neck for a month; it’ll grow on ya…):

One Monkee: Davy Jones

One Freebird: pro wrestler Buddy Roberts (pictured here with his fellow Fabulous Freebird, Terry Gordy, who went to the mall in 2001)

One Butterfly: Lee Dorman, bass guitarist for Iron Butterfly

One Revolting Cock: guitarist Mike Scaccia for Ministry, Rigor Mortis, and the Revolting Cocks (featured here with Al Jourgenson)

Two Sweathogs: Robert Hegyes and Ron Palillo (Governmental Intervention is demanded to isolate and protect Gabe Kaplan and Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs; Travolta should surround himself with rabid Paw-Paws at all times.)

Finally, I may inform you of the Unkindest Extraction-By-Force, an unscheduled exit that didn’t appear as a blip on the General Radar, one Colonel Decker, Lance LeGault, who will be pursuing Colonel John “Hannibal” Smith for eternity…

I Know, I Know…Makes you wanna crawl into a bottle of Jolt Cola, fuse the cap with your heat vision, and learn to breathe underwater. Our cultural icons are getting zapped into Phase Forever.

Snarling segue into this Kentucky Jay Bonafide DEE-luxe Movie Recommendation, directed towards Jim Parsons, members of the Billy Zabka Fan Club, and folks wondering, “Say, what DID happen to Keith Coogan?!”:

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