I love Bubba Ho-tep far more than your average citizen. No one wants a sequel more than me. But people, it is NEVER going to happen. Stop setting yourselves up for heartbreak. Even if financing could somehow be secured, the long-rumored Bubba Nosferatu doesn’t go forward without Bruce Campbell as Elvis Presley. It’s set to take place during the twilight years of the King’s career, exploring middle age the way Bubba Ho-tep tackled senescence, so Campbell would have to play a character no older than 43. Campbell is now 54, which is a stretch but doable. In five years? Not so much. If someone had wised up right after Ho-tep demolished the festival circuit back in 2002, Campbell would have been the perfect age. Ten years later, the proverbial doomsday clock is at five minutes to midnight.

Well, just to torture me, Giamatti recently revealed two juicy tidbits: he’s ready to play Elvis’s manager, Colonel Parker, and the script is really good. Go ahead and read the full post at Bloody Disgusting if you like. Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure they won’t yank the football away this time.