31 Flavors of Terror

Any three-day weekend is just about the greatest thing in the world, but I think we can all agree having Friday off > having Monday off. That free Friday sneaks up on you like a wrinkled five dollar bill in the pocket of a coat you haven’t worn in a while. But when you get Monday off, the remaining four days somehow expand. It’s like the act of extending the weekend past its natural conclusion slows the rotation of the Earth, so that 72 hours after you first get back to work it’s still only Wednesday morning.

Why are national holidays bunched up so some parts of the year (looking at you November/December) get a disproportionate share, while months like August get none? I used to believe we as a nation were saving those months for future holiday-worthy events. But I’ve been around for a spell and we haven’t declared…

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