With a Jolt, My Mind Awakens…Chapter Fourteen: 12 Angry Terrorists & The Anti-Matter Huey Lewis

Goldstruck! Again, I have located that movie for which you were looking — the 80’s action yarn with the D-Bag EPA lawyer from “Ghostbusters”, the D-Bag Assistant Principal from “The Breakfast Club”, the D-Bag Fratelli from “The Goonies”, the supposedly D-Bag erstwhile (argumentative) A-List Explosion Flick Facemelter who has Miraculously Resisted the Rampaging Mutant Reptile Temptation to short-arm clothesline Ashton Kutcher…oh yeah, the film also features a motley crew of terrorists whose collective ferocity would make the Legion of Doom stay in bed, cringing and counting their toes….I refer to the definitive blow-em-up-a-tronic for the 80’s, “Die Hard” :

I won’t pretend that you are oblivious to the impact this movie has had on pop culture, so a review would be superfluous and supercilious. Still, that cast…this face alone “stomps and paces hyenas north and south your spine” (<—my euphemism for "strikes instantaneous fear and pant-wetting"):

Your action movies nowadays with your Jason Stathams and John Cenas and Jeremy Renners, yeah, they’re OK – they’re not gonna stick in my craw, dig? They’re not the Oatmeal of Legend. Heckfire, I only enjoyed “The Expendables” and its sequel because I am the Hooded, Jersey Tap Water Drinking, Ornery yet Oratory Nostalgia-Gobblin’ Parademon Just Southwest and Seventy-Five Hundred Miles of Apokolips; I was not looking for action – I was looking for The Truth. Savvy?

Copycats Carve Their Epitaphs. I’ll tell you what stays with me about “Die Hard”, after my 39th viewing of the movie yesterday afternoon – Two of the thirteen terrorists live. They’re still out there, kids, looking for a plotline, ammunition, and the LAPD. Oh crap! The LAPD – give me the LAPD as portrayed in action flicks from 1985-1994 – it’s like science fiction – Southern California Badge-Carriers were ubermensch; they were super-clean and streamlined androids with a perpetual soundtrack. The LAPD in this light has been M.I.A. since “Speed”, IMHO.

You may not remember the two terrorists who survive Nakatomipocalypse. Friends…you’ll just have to watch the movie again. Yippie-Kai-Yay, Motherf***er, and Get Ready Yer Pause Buttons.

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