Oh for crap’s sake. I knew it was coming but I still wasn’t prepared. Sky Living, the British channel devoted to importing the worst American tele-trash, has announced that Bedlam, one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen, is coming back. I wrote about this show last year and I was really sorry I picked it because after two episodes the rigid formula had me ready to tear my eyes out. It goes something like this:
- Introduce ghost of the week.
- Introduce random hot 20-something.
- People have sex.
- Ghost stalks said 20-something.
- More sex.
- 20-something almost dies but is saved at the last minute by the main cast.
- Ghost and 20-something leave never to be seen again.
Then I read that the ENTIRE original cast is gonesville this year, and I got a little hopeful. Those clowns sucked lumpy balls. Their only selling point was frequent bra-and-panty shots and/or rock hard abs. But look at the top image above – two of the new cast members are slightly less than perfect looking! It’s like a whole new show! PUKE.
What really gets me is not that this is bad genre television (and that it’s still on TV while fantastic stuff like Survivors gets canned). I see that kind of thing all the time without getting my knickers in a twist. What kills me is that this is England’s idea of what it means to make American style television. Every interview series creator Neil Jones gives has some reference to Lost, which is fine and dandy, unless you think that the chief appeal of Lost was a cast of tanned and toned models constantly fighting and fucking one another. It wasn’t, was it?
Then again, maybe the problem is just that Brits suck at judging quality TV just as much as we do. Sky Living’s top shows, quoting the infallible Wikipedia, are: Ghost Whisperer, Cougar Town, Criminal Minds, America’s Next Top Model, Hot in Cleveland, Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice. A lineup that makes even the most violently unemployed redneck xenophobe sit up and realize there’s far more bringing our two cultures together than keeping them apart.