With a Jolt, My Mind Awakens…Chapter Nine: The In-Betweener and the Empty Coffeepot

Kentucky Jay is eating his Energon-infused cereal in the rumpus room…Hence, The In-Betweener assumes the helm for this post.

So, yeah, I found that movie you were seeking, the one with Marge Simpson, Peggy Hill, Princess Leia and Dr. Ray Stantz — Too bad that movie is the bland tearjerker from 1991, “This is My Life”. If you’ve ever wanted to see a movie starring Julie Kavner (the voice of Marge Simpson) as a stand-up comedian/single mom whose career is eclipsing her relationship to her two daughters, Kathy Najimy (the voice of Peggy Hill) as a sarcastic comedy contemporary of Kavner, Carrie Fisher as a talent agent in an intimate relationship with her Virginia Slims, and Dan Aykroyd as the plausible (translation = Not Bloody Likely), paper-snackin’ romantic interest for Kavner….well, no, nobody ordered this production. Lord Chaos watched the movie and tried to give Master Order a hug. I understand Dan Aykroyd was still in atonement for that movie with Kim Basinger as the alien…still, this is pretty untenable. Oh, and the Award for Most Memorable Cinematic Cigarette Dangle goes to…

One part of the movie makes me reallysick…the movie references the Nuh-Nuh-Nutty Archie Andrews/Veronica Lodge/Betty Cooper Love Triangle. Julie Kavner and her kids engage in idle confabulation about how Veronica Always Gets Her Man and Betty lives in Perpetual Want/Seething Jealousy. Suddenly, I was reminded that Veronica ultimately DID get her man; she married Archie Andrews. As is the Course of the Universe (and I know that course like the back of my hand…actually, it IS the back of my hand), Archie also married Betty Cooper. Separate storylines indicated the weddings were merely whimsical musings. THEY WERE DREAMS!

1998’s “Godzilla” was soooo blessedly enjoyable for twenty minutes. Then, Matthew Broderick arrived with his hipster hat and even-tempered rationalizations. The movie turned into rancid sour cream. When the Living Tribunal saw the flick, his 3 Faces shared the same dumbfounded expression that read “Why couldn’t George Peppard have lived for four more years to be in this movie and Paint It Legendary?” Riddle of the Cosmos, friends, Riddle of the Cosmos…

I like Earthlings, generally, despite the rough spots. They cancelled “Jersey Shore”; I’m sure Danny DeVito and Bon Jovi are happy. Gotta tell ya, tho’ — The Ol’ Blue-and-Green-Talky-Talk-Speck of the Universe called Earth will never get it all together unless they put Arkansas Dave Rudabaugh back on Tee-Vee. That’s right, friends, I’m referring to Christian Slater. His name is part of Hollywood Royalty — “Tales from the Darkside: The Movie”, “True Romance”, “Heathers”, “Gleaming the Cube”, “Pump Up the Volume”. Why must we reject Darth Slater in his attempts to penetrate the Journey Into Blackness known as Prime-Time TV? His last three television shows – “My Own Worst Enemy”, “The Forgotten”, and “Breaking In” – did not click with audiences. Wow…aptly named titles to those shows…sometimes, I think I’m the only one in the universe(s) who notices these things…except for the Watcher.

Advice: If you step into an elevator that smells like McDonald’s hotcakes, you’d better call Alex Ross because you know you’re headed for Kingdom Come.

Oh, Galactus is running with scissors again…. Good-bye.

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3 thoughts on “With a Jolt, My Mind Awakens…Chapter Nine: The In-Betweener and the Empty Coffeepot

  1. “What If…?” #32 — “What if the Avengers Had Become Pawns of Korvac”? My jaw-dropping introduction to the Most Powerful Entities in the Marvel Universe.

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  2. Will track that down. THough they’ve recently introduced a new “Alpha”-level superhero, appropriately named Alpha. He’s Spider-Man’s sidekick and he.is. the. worst. Worse than X-Pac.

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