With a Jolt, My Mind Awakens…Chapter Nine: The In-Betweener and the Empty Coffeepot

Kentucky Jay is eating his Energon-infused cereal in the rumpus room…Hence, The In-Betweener assumes the helm for this post.

So, yeah, I found that movie you were seeking, the one with Marge Simpson, Peggy Hill, Princess Leia and Dr. Ray Stantz — Too bad that movie is the bland tearjerker from 1991, “This is My Life”. If you’ve ever wanted to see a movie starring Julie Kavner (the voice of Marge Simpson) as a stand-up comedian/single mom whose career is eclipsing her relationship to her two daughters, Kathy Najimy (the voice of Peggy Hill) as a sarcastic comedy contemporary of Kavner, Carrie Fisher as a talent agent in an intimate relationship with her Virginia Slims, and Dan Aykroyd as the plausible (translation = Not Bloody Likely), paper-snackin’ romantic interest for Kavner….well, no, nobody ordered this production. Lord Chaos watched the movie and tried to give Master Order a hug. I understand Dan Aykroyd was still in atonement for that movie with Kim Basinger as the alien…still, this is pretty untenable. Oh, and the Award for Most Memorable Cinematic Cigarette Dangle goes to…

One part of the movie makes me reallysick…the movie references the Nuh-Nuh-Nutty Archie Andrews/Veronica Lodge/Betty Cooper Love Triangle. Julie Kavner and her kids engage in idle confabulation about how Veronica Always Gets Her Man and Betty lives in Perpetual Want/Seething Jealousy. Suddenly, I was reminded that Veronica ultimately DID get her man; she married Archie Andrews. As is the Course of the Universe (and I know that course like the back of my hand…actually, it IS the back of my hand), Archie also married Betty Cooper. Separate storylines indicated the weddings were merely whimsical musings. THEY WERE DREAMS!

1998’s “Godzilla” was soooo blessedly enjoyable for twenty minutes. Then, Matthew Broderick arrived with his hipster hat and even-tempered rationalizations. The movie turned into rancid sour cream. When the Living Tribunal saw the flick, his 3 Faces shared the same dumbfounded expression that read “Why couldn’t George Peppard have lived for four more years to be in this movie and Paint It Legendary?” Riddle of the Cosmos, friends, Riddle of the Cosmos…

I like Earthlings, generally, despite the rough spots. They cancelled “Jersey Shore”; I’m sure Danny DeVito and Bon Jovi are happy. Gotta tell ya, tho’ — The Ol’ Blue-and-Green-Talky-Talk-Speck of the Universe called Earth will never get it all together unless they put Arkansas Dave Rudabaugh back on Tee-Vee. That’s right, friends, I’m referring to Christian Slater. His name is part of Hollywood Royalty — “Tales from the Darkside: The Movie”, “True Romance”, “Heathers”, “Gleaming the Cube”, “Pump Up the Volume”. Why must we reject Darth Slater in his attempts to penetrate the Journey Into Blackness known as Prime-Time TV? His last three television shows – “My Own Worst Enemy”, “The Forgotten”, and “Breaking In” – did not click with audiences. Wow…aptly named titles to those shows…sometimes, I think I’m the only one in the universe(s) who notices these things…except for the Watcher.

Advice: If you step into an elevator that smells like McDonald’s hotcakes, you’d better call Alex Ross because you know you’re headed for Kingdom Come.

Oh, Galactus is running with scissors again…. Good-bye.

The Valiant Comics Train Keeps A-Rollin’

Funny story: I was in the Baltimore/Annapolis area last weekend and while there I drank way more than was healthy or even called for (hubcap sized margarita, for starters), ate a gross but delicious conglomeration of food called crab nachos, and found a stupendous comic book store in Annapolis called Capital ComicsIf you’re in the area, I urge you to visit.  Great staff, great selection, plus there’s a dog.

While at Capital I discovered that I was missing the Baltimore Comic-Con by a week; namely, it’s this weekend.  Right nowOh, hamburgers.  No worries, as someone else went and posted a transcript & preview art from the Valiant Comics panel! Now, it’s no secret that I’ve been completely on board with this new Valiant launch (mostly to see if they make any allusions to Deathmate) and I hope I’ve been able to drag a few along with me.  Either way check out the recap of the panel over at Comic Book Resources but stay here at Modern Borefare for soothing words & HARD HITTING VALIANT ACTION.

With a Jolt, My Mind Awakens…Chapter Seven: METALLICA DIED WITH CLIFF.

The Assistant Supervisor of the Complaints Department will listen to your woes, gripes, and imprecations when the Sky Bursts and Spits Andre the Giant, Warren Zevon, and Johnny Cash. Go down the corridor, fourth room on the right…Guy’s name is Mr. Mustaine.

However, I cannot permit my shredded wheat soul to be impugned by inequitableness – Here’s where my musical tastes lie:

Who’s in YOUR Supergroup? Kentucky Jay is inquisitive.

Happy 46th Birthday, Star Trek!

Exactly 46 years ago America was introduced to Gene Roddenberry’s science fiction masterpiece. It is not an understatement to say the world became a little smaller and a lot more wondrous on that fateful Thursday night. Google has a cute little doodle up to mark the occasion, but I say the best way to celebrate is to sit down tonight and enjoy a few magical episodes. Netflix has the entire series available on its streaming service, and every episode is remastered in beautiful high definition. Boldly watch.