Paint it Black

Have you ever tried to paint anything? It might be the most impossible thing, ever. My stick figure drawings are embarrassing enough, let alone me trying to go all Bob Ross** on a canvas and actually trying to paint a thing. But then you have this guy, Ruan Jia and his wonderful paintings, which clearly show that he is some sort of wizard. Seriously, if I gave you all the supplies you needed and let’s say, a decade, could you re-create even ONE of these pieces? I couldn’t. I’d probably commit suicide by eating all of the paint about halfway through year three. More of Ruan’s mind-blowing art is available on his site.(original link via Kotaku)

**Funny story about Bob Ross: I actually attended a Bob Ross painting seminar back in the mid-’90’s. I thought the man himself would show up but it turns out he taught a roving crew of people to go forth and teach his style to wannabe painters and the kids who fell asleep watching him paint while home sick from school on Mondays. I’ve drug that painting between the last 10 different places I’ve lived. It might not be a masterpiece, but I will give it this: it’s durable.

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On Sleeping Dogs *UPDATE* *UPDATE #2*

So wait, you did say you want a John Woo-style, open world Hong Kong action game made by Square Enix? Then Sleeping Dogs (may) have you covered.  Even though I’ve just started playing L.A. Noire, I think this is going to be a worthy pickup. Anyone planning on buying this game?

UPDATE 08.13.12 9:23pm – Being weak-willed, I DID buy Sleeping Dogs and it’s all set to arrive tomorrow, barring any massive  mistakes on Amazon’s part.  Like when they delivered Skyrim to an address on the complete other side of New York City last November.  As I may have mentioned before, I do, when possible, try to spport my local gaming shops and they in turn support me by breaking street dates.  So why didn’t I attempt to get an early copy of Sleeping Dogs? Well, two reasons really.  1) I’m right in the middle of L.A. Noire at the moment and 2) this was a complete impulse purchase.  This game may be garbage! Who knows? I’ll get you next time, local video game store!

UPDATE #2 08.14.12 11:26am – Well, it certainly seems like Amazon is in the “boning Impervious Rex” business, because the game I ordered with the understanding that it would arrive today? No, not so much.  It’s currently slated to arrive on Friday! The Hell, man? Granted, I wouldn’t have played it ’til then, but that’s not the point. It’s the principle of the matter, is it not? I’m a Prime member, it was an item available for Prime shipping, yet somehow the item takes five days to be delivered? Something’s rotten in Denmark. I contacted customer service and they (unhelpfully) explained that “while it may take five days to get to you, I can guarantee that it won’t”. How they could  guarantee that or why it wouldn’t arrive earlier they were, of course, unable to answer. BBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Amazon. Boo them unmercifully.  

Horror of Babylon, Part 1

Do you like horror movies? I like horror movies. Everyone should like horror movies. I’m sad it will be many years before I can introduce my daughter to them, but exposure too early in life might result in a Dexter-style origin story. After lengthy internal debate, I am more or less convinced that would be a bad thing.

I recently tallied my score on Bloody Disgusting’s Ultimate Horror Challenge (a surprisingly poor 51 out of 61) and decided I needed a pulpit from which I might babble about my own top X horror movies of all time, X being a positive integer of a value equal to or slightly greater than the number of movies about which I have clever shit to say. So it is with all thanks and praise to the Rex that I present my top however-many must see, can’t miss, lightly sweetened horror moves of all time. We kick things off with the best movies for the genre novice. These are the big release, oft-imitated but never surpassed titans of the industry. If you’ve seen all or most of them, congratulations, you’ve earned your white belt in Cleave Sick Sigma and are invited to join me for Part 2: Electric Boogaloo just as soon as I get around to it. The list:

  1. Psycho Rosemary’s Shining Halloween Exorcist

See what I did there? Each is a fantastic film worth watching over and over but they’re not given individual treatment here because they’re universally beloved by film school professors and comic-con attendees alike. (Shut up, ghost of Pauline Kael, you hated Star Wars. ) These are the safe bets, the mega-classics. If you’re having an intelligent conversation about horror movies and someone chimes in with one of these, tell him you’ve heard good things about an up-and-comer named Alfred Hitchcock while delivering a crushing elbow smash to his sternum. Then steal his collection of coffee table books.

See the rest after the jump…

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I Bet He’d Do a NUMBER on Some Ewoks

Most people got on board with the first Assassin’s Creed due to either the premise (secret assassins!), the gameplay (who doesn’t love parkour free-running!), the setting (Middle Ages! Templars!) or the super cool design of the main character, Altair. Sadly, the gameplay was lacking and the game sucked hard (mostly sorted with ACII). The majority of the fans of the series though really have no fault with the design. That didn’t matter to  deviantartist and all-around badass davislim, who decided to mash together Assassin’s Creed AND Star Wars.  The results are, well…I’d play that game. (link via Kotaku)Assassin WarsStar Creed