Review: AvX #9, Featuring the Death of Spider-Man

Ok, not really.  But seriously, look at this:
Faceless by punching You’re telling me that non-healing power enabled Peter Parker was able to survive a straight right hand from an organic steel covered, Juggernaut AND Phoenix powered Colossus? No way. Look, I know this is “comics” but come on. Peter’s head should look like some extra lumpy chili inside that mask! He shouldn’t be able to be swinging from rock outcropping to rock outcropping all nimbly-bimbly! Let’s say he survives that first punch (doubtful); Colossus still goes berserk on him for the majority of the next two pages! In one of the panels he stands on Parker’s back! Colossus weighs 500 lbs when transformed, the Juggernaut, 1,900lbs! Parker’s guts should have shot out of his mouth (or what was left of it) at that point!

Before we get to the non-death of Spider-Man,  AvX rolls on.  I think the idea to focus on Spider-Man this issue was interesting; though the foreshadowing was pretty heavy-handed in his conversation with Hope. Back to Spider-Man in a minute as elsewhere it looks like the Phoenix Five Four are starting to fold under the cosmic might of The Phoenix. Emma is starting to crack and after being basically ignored by Cyclops when she asked for help, she flits off and melts the brain of some guy who had just been sitting down to dinner. How does that work? Ding-Dong! “Who is it?” “Uh…some hot naked glowing lady.” “Does she want to come in for dinner?” BRAIN-MELT.

At the infirmary in K’un-L’un, why is everyone still in costume? You’re injured, put some sweat pants on!

Magick & Colossus toss Thor in a volcano that is actually housing an incursion of Limbo onto Earth.  I thought Limbo was supposed to be a place of nothing; layaway for the soul until someone comes by and scoops you up. Now it’s all fire-n-brimstone & full of demons? Hmmm. Storm looks on, concerned. But then she’s all “Whatevs” and flies back off to Wakanda where T’Challa is all, “Hey Ororo, guess what?”

Surprise
Colossus has apparently gone crazy (see last issue of Wolverine & The X-Men), tacking on legs to whales because he thought they’d be happier on land.  Turns out, not so much. He asks Magick for help in creating some new whales later on. Piotr, you crazy.

Anyways, the remaining Avengers try a last ditch full-frontal assault on where the Avenger prisoners are being kept; the aforementioned Limbo incursion. They get handled easily by Magick & Colossus, at which point Spider-Man somehow makes everyone retreat, creates a rockslide to seperate the X-Men and the fleeing Avengers, then takes on Magick & big shiny C himself. Which brings us full circle to the magically unkillable Peter Parker. Who not only doesn’t die when facing these two demi-gods, but manages to actually talk them to death. Ok, not legit death, but enough that they knocked each other out (?) and lost their Phoenix powers. And with that we are down to the Phoenix Two. Including super codpiece sporting Cyclops:

Cameo?

“LOOK ON MY CODPIECE YE MIGHTY AND DESPAIR!”

Three more issues of this? Oh, brother.

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